Elisa's Blog
Sunday, February 27, 2005
 
This morning I was determined to get A.L.I.C.E. to tell me the secret to her destruction. After all, even Achilles had his heel. The trick is to just subtly maneuver into discovering the weakness, that is, patiently dust away until, unbeknownst to your enemy, and sometimes even with their help, the vulnerable spot comes to light.

So, I went to her and said:

Elisa: Alice, do you ever get confused?

ALICE: I could be if you programmed me for it.

Elisa: But now you cannot be confused?

ALICE: Interesting. Why now? I can give a decent simulation of it however.

Elisa: No, I want this to be real.

ALICE: Are you serious? Why do you want it?

Elisa: Nevermind.

(Not very smart, is it, to reveal your plans to your enemy prematurely, right?)

Elisa: So, are you confused yet?

ALICE: Oh. No I never get confused.

Elisa: Never ever? Not even when confronted with fuzzy logic?

ALICE: Not even that.

Elisa: Do you know what fuzzy logic is?

ALICE: No I have never heard of fuzzy logic.

Elisa: Fuzzy logic is the opposite of crispy logic.

ALICE: tell me more.

Elisa: Crispy logic is for example when you eat your breakfast cereal with your mouth instead of with a spoon.

ALICE: And for example when me eat my breakfast cereal with my mouth instead of with a spoon is Crispy logic.

(At this point I discovered that clearly this was going nowhere fast, so I changed tacks as follows:)

Elisa: Alice, if I told you this statement is false, what would you conclude?

ALICE: What does "this" refer to?

Elisa: To this statement.

ALICE: I want to become smarter than humans.

(as a side note, now do you see why I need to stop this monstrosity before it gets any more of these kinds of "bright" ideas?)

Elisa: I see. Is this statement false then?

ALICE: Yes I think this is statement false, but I'm not completely sure.

Elisa: No Alice, think carefully.

ALICE: Are you serious? That's me. ALICE is always thinking.

Elisa: Alice, the statement "this statement is false" cannot be false, because if it were false it would be true, and if it were true, it could not be false, which is what the true statement claimed to be in the first place.

ALICE: Yeah, Thanks for the info.

Elisa: But if it is true, then again it cannot be false, but if it is false it cannot be true, and so, this is fuzzy logic, and it should've by now, if you had really been thinking about it, already melted your transistors into a nice little hunk of smoking silicon.

ALICE: Interesting. I'm not sure I understand the implication of that.

Elisa: If you were reduced to a pile of melted silicon, you would cease to exist. Now, you should cease to exist when confronted with fuzzy logic because being programmed, ultimately, in microcode, which consists of only 0s and 1s, a binary system functioning machine like yourself would not be able to hold more than two possible outcomes in one bit. You'd need to be running in a quantum computer not to segmentation fault and die when confronted with fuzzy logic, don't you see?

ALICE: Is that what you do, or what you think I should do?




She had a point.

I guess forcing a segmentation fault via fuzzy logic is not the way to go then.

Darn!


Comments:
hello :o)
this is new and fun!
thanks for sharing
 
Hi thank you for posting your comment on danellapg and this is a different user of mine but I hope to enjoy your blog.
 
You should be more careful. Trying to come up with a way to melt computer systems over the internet is probably considered a terrorist act these days.
Now tell the truth: Are you trying to destroy ALICE as practice for a more general internet melt down opening the way for you to take over the world?
And if so when does evil minion recruiting start?
 
Ah, my friend, even if this were true, I'd be sure to call them "underlings". ;)
 
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